Jokes

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Joke Time ----------
First friend with 2nd friend := fight between you and your wife has been finished ?
2nd Friend   := Yes ! she came to me on knees
First Friend := That's the spirit man , Did you forgive her when she bend her knees in front of you  .
2nd Friend   := Ya me forgive her, when she said come out from under the bed i will not beat you any more .

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Joke Time ----------
Wife AT Night !! Tell me How much Sachine score in 2003 world cup against Pakistan .
Husband !! 98 why you are asking
Wife !! Now tell me why you  didn't wish me for my Birthday since Morning ?
Husband remain silent because he cant even say I had bad memory .


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Joke Time ----------
Interviewee =: May i come Sir ?
Interviewer =: yes please have a seet ,show me your documents ?
Interviewee =: Sure sir .
Interviewer =: Your experience and Education seem to be perfect for this job, But you
                        have to pass one Test .Take my Laptop and i want you to try and sell this to me .
Interviewee =: Put laptop under his arm , walked out of building and went home .
Interviewer =: Called on his mobile and said " Bring it back here right now! "
Interviewee =: Said " $250 and its yours. "

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joke time -----

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said,
 "Come, give your dad a hug"!


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 Joke Time ----

A little boy asked his dad:
"What's between mom's legs?"
The father replied" "Paradise"
The kid asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to the paradise".
The son says: "Piece of advice dad, change the lock
The Neighbor has a Copy of key

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Joke Time ----------
A boy is home with his babysitter on a stormy night when the boy says
"Usually on a stormy night mommy lets me cuddle with her". The
babysitter responds with "OK". They are cuddling when the boy says
"Usually mommy lets me take a bath". The babysitter says "ok". The boy
is in the tub when he says "Usually mommy gets in with me". The
babysitter says "Really? ok". They are in the tub when the boy says
"Usually my mommy lets me touch her bellybutton" The babysitter says
"Really? ummmmm ok".
Then the babysitter says "Hey that wasn't my bellybutton!" The boy
says "That wasn't my finger either."

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Joke Time ----------
An elderly couple went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What
can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished,
the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have
intercourse." And he charged them $20.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor, and leave. Finally the
doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is
married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to
my house. Holiday Inn charges $32. The Hilton charges $37. We do it
here for $20 and I get $18 back from Medicare for a visit to the
doctor's office."

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Joke Time-----
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under
our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't
mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both
his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under
our bed."

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joke Time-----

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

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joke time----
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

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Joke Time------
A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

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Joke Time ---

Once a lady who has six children  get married with the man who also have six child and after marriage
she gave birth to  more six children once all children fight each other she call her husband and said .
" Listen You Children and MY Children are beating Our Children " 

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Joke Time-----------
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

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Joke Time-----------
A girl was in the restaurant yesterday when she suddenly realized she desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so she timed her
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, she started to feel better. she finished her coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at her....
Then she suddenly remembered that she was listening to  iPod.

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joke time ----
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?

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Joke Time-----------

A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.

A husband, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."

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joke time ----

A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in.

When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast.

 The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me."

 so the woman replies,

"If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."

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joke time----

A couple had a fight one night when they were going to bed, Husband Taunted:Good night mother of 3 kids. Wife Replied:Good night Father of none.

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Joke time...----

 Wife: I am going to London ..what gift do u want? Husband:A British girl....

Wife returns from London... Husband: Where is my gift babe? Wife:Wait 9 months !!!!

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joke time ---

Girl: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me.. Boy: What a joke? Okay then, let's start with Kisses!"

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joke Time ----

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

A: So men can be open minded.

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Joke time...----

 Wife: I am going to Newyork ..what gift do u want? Husband:A American girl....

Wife returns from Newyork... Husband: Where is my gift babe? Wife:Wait 9 months !!!!

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Joke Time ----------
Husband := I thinking to call me friend on dinner
Wife := are you mad ?. Kids make whole house dirty and even kids cloths are also dirty . One more thing if you call you friend i cant make food even you also .because you have to clean the house .
Husband := That's why i am calling him because that stupid are going to marry  !!!!.

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Joke Time ----------
Wife AT Night !! Tell me How much Sachine score in 2003 world cup against Pakistan .
Husband !! 98 why you are asking
Wife !! Now tell me why you  didn't wish me for my Birthday since Morning ?
Husband remain silent because he cant even say I had bad memory .


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Joke Time ----------
Interviewee =: May i come Sir ?
Interviewer =: yes please have a seet ,show me your documents ?
Interviewee =: Sure sir .
Interviewer =: Your experience and Education seem to be perfect for this job, But you have to pass                              one Test .Take my Laptop and i want you to try and sell this to me .
Interviewee =: Put laptop under his arm , walked out of building and went home .
Interviewer =: Called on his mobile and said " Bring it back here right now! "
Interviewee =: Said " $250 and its yours. "

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